Have you ever had a coach?
Have you ever thought about hiring a coach?
Do you know someone who’s a coach?
My guess is you answered “yes” to at least one of those questions.
That coach you know or looked for may not be a life coach, you probably see coaching as a valid and respectable vocation or career.
From what I’ve seen lately, there are some who don’t agree with that.
This year, I started using LinkedIn to generate leads for my coaching business. I reach out to new connections with a gentle introduction to see who might be looking for some guidance or new perspectives in their lives.
As I make new connections, I’ve been getting all kinds of responses and reactions, which has been pretty fascinating, to say the least.
In a way, I wish I’d done this earlier in my business because it gives me lots of perspective into what people are interested in, where the industry is lacking, and what people do and don’t need help with.
On the other hand– I’m not sure I could have handled some of this feedback a few years ago.
To put what follows into perspective, the message I’ve been sending out to potential clients is a very gentle and friendly introduction to my work with no request for sales of any kind.
Here’s one of the responses:
Congratulations, you’re the 11th “coach” this week to reach out to me. And it’s getting really old. Every week I get several invites or in-mails from “coaches” wanting to tell me what I can do better. And all it does is clog up my inbox. I have no intention of ever paying anyone to “coach” me.
All these quotations seem to imply that coaching and coaches aren’t real... Interesting.
One of the things I mention in my outreach message is that I help people to actively design the life they want to live rather than living a “default” life – hence the emphasis on Ontological-style coaching.
And in response to that, I get:
Hi David, I do NOT want to live a life by design. Thanks
Alllrighty, then.
And then my absolute favorite of all the replies:
Life/business coaching is a grift.
Whew.
Years ago, while training and then starting my business as an Ontological Life Coach, I might have balked at these types of messages and wondered if there was some truth in them. I might have let myself get carried away by the fear that there was no market for what I was doing.
After numerous conversations with other coaches, I understand that it’s not unusual when starting out to wonder if coaching is a real business and career.
But in the years I’ve been in business as an Ontological Life Coach, I’ve helped 100’s of people and gotten a lot of feedback on the positive impact I’ve had on the lives of my clients.
At this point in my career, I can read these negative messages and literally laugh out loud.
Of course, it can be hard to hear sometimes when people want to invalidate your career, especially when your intentions are to make a positive, lasting impact on the people you connect with.
And I think it’s important to note that there are many people who respond very positively and request a meeting with me, the extremely negative replies are not the norm.
The Problem
Okay look, I get it – there is a certain perception problem in the coaching industry. The barrier to entry into the coaching business is so low that even my neighbor’s Pekinese is probably a certified coach by now.
Obviously, I’m exaggerating. It’s more like, as a recent client complained,
“Most coaches look like my daughters.”
And there’s nothing wrong with that. But for someone like him (and there are many like him out there), he wanted to know that his coach has the life experience to back up their work.
There are people wanting to ensure that the coach not only knows the right things to say but has had the pleasure of doing the work firsthand before trying to guide others.
Here’s what I know:
There are plenty of absolutely extraordinary coaches out there who have a massive impact on the lives of their clients, and they are worth every dollar they charge and more.
There are also plenty of not-so-great coaches who are either new at the craft or don’t take it as a serious career themselves.
The important thing to note here is that there’s a huge spectrum in between.
There are coaches who do nothing but sell their coaching. It might not exactly be a grift, but it can feel manipulative or disingenuous depending on the way they’re selling and trying to get their foot in your door.
So how do I know if a coach is good and how do I avoid being sold something that doesn’t actually work for me?
Does Certification Matter?
I don’t believe certification is a good way to select a coach.
Certification is useful, but a lot of people assume certification means the person is a good coach and that is definitely not the case.
Certified Coach ≠ Good Coach
If someone is certified it means they’ve spent some X amount of time in a coaching training program, received some mentoring, and completed some amount of hours of coaching.
But how much time is spent in each of these areas depends on the specific type of certification.
In some cases, this may even mean that they’ve done some amount of training and coaching yearly to maintain the certification.
In all cases, nothing about this certificate means that they know how to coach or that they’ll be a good coach for you. It only means they’ve spent money on training and have had some practice.
Bottom line is that certification indicates a quantity of time in training and coaching, not the quality of the coaching.
It’s meaningful, but should never be the deciding factor in choosing a coach.
How to Choose a Coach
The most important factor to note when choosing a coach is that they are qualified to help you with the specific problem or area within which you are seeking to improve. If you are looking for help with starting or building up your business, then you should be looking for a business coach. If you are looking for help with your career or job search, then a career coach would be your right match.
The second most important factor in choosing a coach is the rapport you have with the person. Assuming you’ll be one-on-one coaching with this person (or even in a group coaching style), the personality has to be right for you and your needs.
I do not begin to work with someone (or charge them for that matter) without having completed at least one 60 to 90-minute coaching session with me. I offer this to potential clients on a complimentary basis as a means of ensuring both for myself and for the client that we are a good fit for one another.
In doing so, I am able to maintain that my goal is not to profit from the client’s life challenge but to support them and watch them succeed and become everything they’ve been hoping for and more.
Only after an initial coaching “get to know you” session like this can it be clear whether or not there is something significant to work on and whether there is a good rapport between us.
This is also a way to help you understand the actual value of engaging with my coaching over a 3 or 6-month period.
As advised by my own coach, Hans Phillps, this type of complimentary session is a way for coaches to introduce themselves to potential clients and is critical in the decision-making process.
Ask Around
The best way to find a coach is through a referral from someone you know and trust.
The best coaches are not going to be found by way of cheap or forced ad content on social media.
This is because the best coaches are able to advertise and gain new clients just by being themselves and doing what they do best. When you make a real, positive impact on someone’s life, they are naturally going to want to share their experience with others. People who want to be uplifted turn around and uplift those around them. It’s one of the most beautiful aspects of this process.
As consumers, we are more likely to buy a product or a service based on the quality of their reviews. Most people want to read reviews of a service or product before purchasing.
So we can understand that the personal and positive reviews and referrals from people we trust demonstrate that someone is truly great at what they do.
As my coach says, “Creating a business through invitation and referral is the gold standard for a business.”
The Grift
A grift is a con. A scam. A way to take your money without giving you anything back.
I have many testimonials from past clients telling me that they receive the value they pay for and more from working with me. That’s why when I see messages trying to demean or undermine the value of coaching, I get to literally laugh out loud.
At the same time, I know to have compassion, because these negative responses and comments can indicate that they’ve had a bad experience with a coach.
I’ve heard all kinds of difficult and disheartening stories, all of which are unfortunate for both the client and the coaching industry as a whole.
What keeps me confident and gunning to continue coaching and sharing my knowledge with the world, is when I get reviews like this from my clients:
The unsolicited feedback is truly the best kind– because it is honest, and highlights the real reasons why I became a coach in the first place. To create real change in people’s lives, to inspire breakthroughs and insights. To witness the thunderbolts that occur when the old way of being is revealed and a new path becomes available.
In Conclusion…
While not everyone’s experience with coaches will be 100% positive and life-changing, this by no means should deter someone from seeking out guidance and support when endeavoring to make real, significant, and lasting changes in their life.
There is a misconception that the value of coaching decreases due to the ever-growing amount of coaches available out there in the world. But this is not how these things work. While the barrier to entry in the coaching world is low, you should be picking your coach based on the integrity and the quality of their coaching, rather than the quantity of shiny ads and content you see popping up on your feed.
It is important to show some discrimination when selecting a coach. Most importantly, you must be sure to select a coach that aligns with the field or specific area with which you are seeking assistance and guidance.
There are wonderful and powerful coaches out there, and it’s not necessarily about knowing where to look, but how to. My coach details the ways in which you can ensure that you are prepared to hire a coach in this article.
Whether or not you are ready to connect with a coach now, or it’s only an idea that’s been on your mind, it’s important to stay positive and open to the potential opportunities that will cross your path. Have conversations about what you are looking for with the people in your life. Make the time to “shop around” for coaches and see which person can offer you the most guidance in the area in which you are looking.
Be sure to sign up for my complimentary 1 on 1 introductory call to see if Ontological Life Coaching is the right fit for you.
There is always time to start putting yourself and your dreams first, to design the life you would like to be living rather than living the default version.
I’ll be here waiting to help you do so.