Catching My Self Sabotage

I let myself get messed with, I took it personally, I got hurt, and I shut down.

A few days ago I was in conflict with my partner. It affected my entire mood for the entire day. I was hurt by how she talked to me and I wanted to be right.

I wasn’t able to respond the way I wanted to in the moment because I was upset. I considered my different options but decided to wait until I was clearer in my mind before responding.

And this morning, I realized where I went wrong.

I had somehow created the circumstances for the disagreement and had allowed it to dominate my mood.

I don’t normally do that; I’m normally not so messable-with. I’m usually more equanimous about these types of disagreements. Which led me to realize that I was sabotaging a bigger plan.

You see, I’m on a certain trajectory at the moment toward “bigger” things for my business. Something new is being birthed and while I don’t know exactly what that looks like, my daily question to The Universe is “How big do you want me to play?”

The consistent answer I receive back is “Bigger.”

So, there’s a new “level” I’m working toward.

In my last blog post, I wrote about noticing that these types of “thresholds” or “levels” are imaginary and yet they still require us to step way outside of our comfort zone in order to achieve them.

One way our survival mechanism keeps us in our comfort zone is by sabotaging our own efforts to achieve more.

One way our survival mechanism keeps us in our comfort zone is by sabotaging our own efforts to achieve more.

Any time we go about up-leveling our game, we will run directly into our internal saboteurs. We will attempt to sabotage our own big game or next level. This is simply the survival mechanism at work trying to keep us safe.

As I do with my own clients, I’ve worked with my own coach to clearly identify the ways I sabotage my own big projects:

1. Get overwhelmed, start overthinking and seeking perfection

2. Stop meditating and stop connecting with Spirit

3. Stop the self-care practices that support my overall well-being

4. Get in a fight with my wife or another loved one

Once I remembered this, the bell went off in my head: ding-ding-ding!

You see, that last one used to drag me down for days or even weeks. Nowadays, I’m usually over it in 24-48 hours.

Still! I created that circumstance in order to stay in my comfort zone. Yes, feeling bad about myself after a disagreement is my comfort zone – that’s a story for another time.

When you have a commitment to something bigger than yourself, you take the time to manage the survival mechanism so it's not interfering with your progress. 

The key is to know what you do to sabotage yourself; to deeply understand your internal saboteurs. Only then can you look out for them arising and manage them down in order to maintain focus, and energy, and to keep going.

In my case, it’s about assuring the hurt little boy inside me that everything is OK and comforting him until he gets quiet.

It’s also important to recognize and acknowledge that our survival mechanism is only trying to protect us. We can say: thank you, I know you’re trying to protect me, but I’m OK for now.

So I invite you to look at the ways you self-sabotage. Knowing yourself and how you’ve managed things in the past, how are you reliable to pull yourself back from that scary and risky leap into the unknown that would lead you to your next level or next big achievement?

What’s keeping you safe?

And if you want to explore this more, please book a call with me here. Working with a coach means clarity, transformation, and progress.