Why Your To-Do Lists Are Stopping You From Getting Anything Done

Hello, and welcome to your new to-do list…

🦗 🦗 🦗 (crickets)

Yep, nothing there.

Your current to-do list is a need-to-do, have-to-do, or should-do list, and that’s a problem. You’ve invented all kinds of things that are missing or wrong with your life, work, or self and that you feel need fixing or changing.

I need to lose 5 kg.
I need to eat vegan.
I need to stop drinking coffee.
I need to go to the gym.
I need to be more outgoing.
I need to earn more money.
I need to…
I have to…
I should…

STOP!

Please throw out all those lists! Like I did.

And Stop “should-ing” all over yourself (as they say).

The moment something is a need-to, have-to, or should, all your choice disappears. You’re no longer choosing your life. It has now become an imperative that can't be chosen differently.

It’s a kind of prison in words.
It’s limiting.
It’s disempowering.

I’m not saying there aren't times in your life when you need to decide something, commit to that decision, and be accountable to yourself for the actions you take from there.

It’s simply that the language of how you do that matters.

It's easy to fall into the trap of creating a "need-to-do," "have-to-do," or "should-do" list. 

I’ve already written a mind-blowing article about using “should” and the reality of what lies behind this kind of language and how it’s limiting and disempowering you.

You’re creating your own mental prison and your options are restricted to the limited context of the tasks on your never-ending to-do list. 

Understanding Context

Context is everything. It's the lens through which we see the world, and it determines how we experience everything from our relationships to our careers to our health. Context is what shapes our perspective: expansive and open when we’re feeling good; narrow and limited when we're stressed or overwhelmed by life's challenges.

In Ontological Coaching we say, “The context is decisive” because it represents an automatic operation from our way of being: the context is deciding for us. The language we use is a clue to our current context and perspective and can also be a tool to shift our mindset to allow for new possibilities.

Taking Action Doesn’t Have to be Hard

When you're in a rut or feeling stuck, you limit what’s possible for you in the language of "I need to..." or “I should…” One way to open your mind to new possibilities and give yourself permission to make different choices is to replace those words with something like "I'm choosing/choosing not to…”, “I want to…” or “I get to…”

Changing your language will create a mental shift that helps you gain momentum and trajectory in your goals.

When problems or challenges arise, notice how you describe the situation in your mind:

• Do you claim, "I can't" or “I don’t know how”?

• Have you decided, "It's impossible"?

• Try changing that to "I can’t yet" or “I don’t know how, yet.”

• Even children can learn that what’s impossible is simply, “Not yet…”

One way to think of this shift is going from a victim-at-effect mindset to a responsibility-for mindset. Choice arises when we start to take full responsibility for the situation we are in and for the life we’ve created.

Seriously, try it out the next time you catch yourself using a negative or limiting tone or verbiage. Your awareness will expand as you actively “rewrite” those outputs coming from your brain to something more positive or fluid. Notice how much easier it is to see new possibilities when you’re not blocked by negative language!

Consider this: every time we use the word "can't," we are telling ourselves (and others) that there is something that prevents us from doing something – and since our brains work hard at finding reasons why things won't work out for us instead of looking for solutions, most often these negative statements end up being true!

This is a form of confirmation bias.

The more you become aware of your language, the better you will get at flipping the script on negative or limiting self-talk.

Demolishing the Prison of Your Limiting Beliefs

Step 1: Becoming Aware of Your Context

The first step is to bring more self-awareness to your way of being and your context.

• How am I viewing my world in this moment?

• Am I playing the victim or looking for solutions to make my life work?

• What am I saying to myself (language) that indicates I’m limiting my choices?

You can observe your thoughts and feelings deeply through meditation as a way to bring self-awareness to your situation.

And another simple way is to become aware of the language you’re using. This can be eye-opening and surprising once you start to notice the weak and negative words you use to describe yourself and your world.

If your current way of viewing the world has been limiting your choices, then it's time for a change! The first step in shifting from a negative state of mind into one where possibility exists is to identify what exactly has been holding back those choices from happening in the first place.

Step 2: Challenge Your Context

Once you better understand who you’re being, the second step is to challenge your context. If you have beliefs like, for instance, “I’m bad with money”, “I’m not good enough” or “people will leave you if they find out about my secret shame”, then those beliefs are going to hold you back from making any real changes in your life.

To shift your context, start by challenging those beliefs with more positive ones: "I’m able to manage money!" or "I am good enough!" or "People love me for who I am!"

It also helps tremendously to remind yourself of past successes, even small ones, as evidence of what's possible now. 

For more insight, check out this article where I discuss completion exercises. Something that I find to be crucial in developing and maintaining success while taking care of yourself and your own well-being. 

Step 3: Take Action

As your language shifts and your awareness expands, the way forward will become clearer. You will feel less stuck and less frustrated.

With that new clarity, it's time to take action. Taking that first action is always the hardest, but once you've started, things will fall into place much more easily.

Start by taking one small action toward your goal each day. This could be something like reading an article about the subject or making a phone call to someone who can help with your project. It doesn't matter if this feels insignificant at first– the important thing is that it gets the ball rolling!

The more momentum builds up behind your efforts, the easier it will be for you to continue moving forward.

BEing the Best You

If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this article it is the understanding that the language we use has a powerful impact on our lives.

There is an implication in a “need-to-do” list that something is wrong or broken and needs fixing.

It’s a sense of “I’m not enough.”

“I’m not enough” is invariably a lie. You are always enough.

When you think of it instead as something is missing, a space opens for discovering something new and for exploring deeper.

When we fill our to-do lists with "need-to-do," "have-to-do," or "should-do" tasks, we limit our ability to make choices and live life on our own terms.

By shifting our language to "choose to" or "get to" instead, we can empower ourselves and open up a world of possibilities.

It's time to let go of limiting beliefs and start living the life we want, rather than the life we think we should have.

Remember, the context is decisive, and it's up to us to choose how we want to live our lives. So, choose wisely, and start empowering yourself today!

If you would like to get some inspiration and support from like-minded people who are committed to living deliberately, taking inspired action, and achieving the life of their dreams, join us in our online community.

Check out our upcoming events to empower yourself in community this year!