So, you’re heading back to work after your lovely summer vacation... You’re relaxed, you’re happy, and most importantly, you’re feeling renewed.
Things are going to be different now.
You are able to better connect with your colleagues in a fresh new way. Your communication is improved, you’re not getting triggered so easily, and you’re dropping the negative interpretations of every communique from your boss.
Rest and rejuvenation turns into more energy for you to better focus– meaning you work more efficiently. You’re meeting commitments and deadlines, and therefore pleasing your team and management.
Whether or not you’ve experienced this before, it’s reasonable to say that we all need a break from time to time. We need downtime away from work to get back to feeling like ourselves again. Getting back to that place of wholeness and completeness.
And while all that refreshed sense of passion and motivation feels great as we head back to work, you can’t help but wonder, how long will this feeling last?
Inevitably, the grind starts again.
That annoying colleague you try to avoid is still there, and still very much annoying. Your boss is still doing that stupid thing that drives you up the wall, and the stress level rises steadily until you’re right back where you were before your relaxing vacation.
So this begs the age old question: how do we make summer break last forever?
I’ve got news for you: that summer feeling is still very much inside you, and accessible no matter what is going on in your life.
Sure, it’s not that simple, but the first thing you have to acknowledge is that it’s not what’s outside of you that creates your world, it’s what’s inside of you.
That thing your boss does that YOU think is stupid and drives you up the wall? Someone else thinks that’s adorable and he just thinks it's normal.
Your annoying colleague is annoying because he doesn’t act how YOU think he should. Others have a great deal of respect for him because he does things how THEY think he should.
It’s all about perspective, etc., etc. – you’ve probably heard this all before – but let me say it again that you become a victim to your circumstances as long as you allow things outside of yourself to determine how you feel inside.
This is simple…but not easy…
Where do you start?
Start by knowing that YOU are in charge of your reactions to the stimulus of the world around you, and therefore YOU are in charge of the subsequent actions you take based on those reactions.
As noted philosopher and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl famously said,
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Most of us are on auto-pilot when it comes to interacting and (most importantly) reacting to the world around us.
These automatic reactions come from a self-centered view of the world and stem from our survival instinct’s need to protect us and our identity.
But the good thing is that we are by no means chained to these biological and socialized means of interacting with the world around us.
These default triggers can be interrupted by substituting thoughtless REaction for thoughtful action.
Most people aren't making any attempt to do this simply because they have yet to see the real benefit– and therefore get stuck in these patterns of falling victim to the world around them.
When you compare how you feel after a great summer holiday to how you feel around December 15th, you might start to see the benefit of interrupting the reactions that ultimately trigger all this accumulating stress.
That Summer Feeling is a state of mind that you can literally cultivate. We are able to tend to our psyche as we would a garden, in order to have access to the fresh and fruitful parts of our Self whenever we seek to.
We do this by consciously bringing the mind back to a time and place in your life where you felt most alive, relaxed, at peace, and completely yourself.
You are able to then utilize this memory, this mindset… as a direct source for your motivation.
Consider these memories like the seeds for your abundant garden of peace.
You are training your brain to come back time and time again to a place where you feel less stressed, more relaxed, happier, and in doing so– fresh and energized each day.
How do we do that?
First, it’s important that you believe it’s possible (and not just because some famous philosopher guy said so).
You have to believe it’s possible for You. I can sit here and tell you that it IS possible for you, and that others have done it and are now receiving endless benefits because of it. Trust me, I’ve not only seen this happen time and time again, but I actively facilitate it with my clients.
Really it’s just a matter of helping you to start taking the necessary actions to get there. As you act, you’ll witness these changes for yourself. Then, you’ll begin to truly reap the benefits of thoughtful action.
Let’s not wait any longer.
Start with the feeling
(When working through this exercise, it is important that you write down your answers in a journal)
You begin by imagining a situation in your life that causes you stress, anxiety, or causes you to react in a way that is unproductive.
Write down how this situation or incident makes you feel.
Identify the feeling clearly:
Where do you feel it in your body?
What emotions are being provoked? Fear? Anxiety? Disconnect?
What information can you extract from this feeling? What part of you needs to be heard or acknowledged?
Now, this step is crucial and cannot get overlooked:
Allow the feeling to be OK as it is. Feelings are a normal part of being human. Accept the feeling 100% in this moment. All of these feelings are just parts of yourself that are working for you. They are an automatic response that comes up in an effort to get you to a better place.
Meditation for Calm
Identify a location in the world where you have experienced the feeling of being fully relaxed and happy. Perhaps that place you rested during your recent vacation, or a safe place from your childhood, etc.
Begin to steep into that location and environment. Ask yourself what were you seeing in this memory? What sounds can you make out? Are there any specific smells or tastes you can remember?
Being able to come back to this place in your mind is your opportunity to meditate on this positive mental state. Giving yourself a chance to bask in this moment of peace, pleasure, and tranquility. You can even use the guided meditation below that I created in order to help walk you through this process.
The benefits from this meditation are endless… But most importantly, you will be able to:
Return to a calm and relaxed state in your mind and as a result, your body as well. The more you do this the more quickly you’ll be able to return to this state in your mind and body when needed.
Gain a deeper understanding that you are the creator of the reality inside you. By practicing this exercise and meditation, this understanding broadens and becomes embodied.
Interrupt the Automatic Reaction
The next part of the practice is to actively interrupt those automatic reactions. With the first step being to simply notice the automatic reaction when it comes up.
Notice if the tension in your body rises when you receive that email from your boss. Where are you experiencing it in your body? Identify this feeling. What is the first reaction that comes to mind?
Simply notice what is happening in your mind and body and let it play out without yet acting on it. It’s important to accept yourself as a human that has these kinds of reactions – there’s absolutely nothing wrong with any of this. You can appreciate that you are alive enough in this body and in this world to be able to feel so deeply.
After the automatic reaction has been interrupted and the feelings dissipate to some extent, you’ll feel more relaxed and centered. It’s from this place of increased clarity that will allow you to act in your own best interest, rather than react from a place of negative emotion.
How you move forward from here depends entirely on you: your principles, values, mission, purpose, etc. This is not for anyone else to decide.
Conclusion
You get to choose what kind of life you want to lead.
No other person has any power over you in this regard. Not your boss, not your coworkers, not even your own family. You must be conscious of this in order to not let negative emotions or situations convince you that you are a victim to the external circumstances around you.
You can then use the techniques offered here to begin interrupting and working through those automatic reactions that create so much stress and strife in your life.
From this state of empowerment you get to bring That Summer Feeling with you wherever you go.
Becoming the true embodiment of “Endless Summer”.
Looking for an opportunity to steep into some powerful rest, relaxation and transformation?
If you would like to get away from the everyday daily stimuli for a weekend and develop some new insights and techniques for handling these types of reactions, please join me in the upcoming Swiss Mountain Retreat.
Further resources from my side
Here is an article to help with communication in those moments where we’re feeling triggered: A best practice for communication to consider
I have a workshop coming up that will help you to eliminate distractions in your workplace so that you can be more effective on the job: A workshop on eliminating distractions in 3 short steps
I hold monthly meetings to discuss “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” – the next is on 12 September 2022.
That Summer Feeling by Jonathan Richman
That summer feeling (3X)
When there's things to do not because you gotta
When you run for love not because you oughta
When you trust your friends with no reason, nada
The joy I've named shall not be tamed
And that summer feeling is gonna haunt you one day in your life
When the cool of the pond makes you drop down on it
When the smell of the lawn makes you flop down on it
When the teenage car gets the cop down on it
That time is here for one more year
And that summer feeling is gonna haunt you one day in your life
If you've forgotten what I'm naming
You're gonna long to reclaim it one day
Because that summer feeling is gonna haunt you one day in your life
And if you wait until your older
A sad resentment will smolder one day
And then that summer feeling is gonna haunt you
And that summer feeling's gonna taunt you
And then that summer feeling is gonna hurt you one day in your life
When even fourth grade starts looking good
Which you hated
And first grade's looking good too
Overrated
And you boys long for some little girl that you dated
Do you long for her or for the way you were?
That summer feeling is gonna haunt you the rest of your life
When the Oldsmobile has got the top down on it
When the catamaran has got the drop down on it
When the flat of the land has got the crop down on it
Some things look good before and some things never were
But that summer feeling is gonna haunt you one day in your life
Well when your friends are in town and they got time for you
When you and them are hanging around and they don't ignore you
When you say what you will
And they still adore you
If that's not appealing, it's that summer feeling
That summer feeling is gonna haunt you one day in your life
It's gonna haunt you
It's gonna taunt you
You're gonna want this feeling inside one more time
It's gonna haunt youIt's gonna taunt you
You're gonna want this feeling inside one more time
When you're hanging around the park with the water fountain
And there's the little girl with the dirty ankles
But she's on the swings where all the dust is kicking up
And you remember the ankle locket
And the way she flirted with you
For all this time how come?
Well that summer feeling is gonna haunt you one day in your life
You'll throw away everything for it (2X)
When the playground that just was all dirt comes haunting
And that little girl that called you a flirt
Memory comes taunting
You pick these things apart, they're not that appealing
You put them together and you'll get a certain feeling
That summer feeling is gonna haunt you one day in your life